Part 2: To the Ones I've Been, To the Ones I'll Become

While going through the first part of this series, it always felt like we were all trying to decipher a way to love ourselves better. We are trying to find a way to make self-love a natural part of our lives, something we don't have to consciously focus on but simply become. It should become our comfort zone. But practicing it, making it a proper way of life, is extremely difficult.

Things become difficult when the human intellect comes in the picture, where a single person embodies so many different personalities, there are so many people within one individual. We change when we are angry, when we are in love, when we are upset, when we are in doubt, when we are motivated, when we are disciplined, when we are not motivated, and when we are not productive. Being human means having many sides, and thats where the difficult part begins. Being this intellectual tends to come with a habit of questioning, a lot. It's all fun and games until we start questioning ourselves, our actions, and our choices.

Once we become aware of what we are doing as humans, it becomes really difficult to be happy with ourselves and feel satisfied with our decisions. We constantly ask ourselves:

**Is this what I was supposed to do?

Does this even make sense?**

All of this makes the first part feel even more challenging. I feel I must mention that loving yourself isn't all hunky-dory. There are phases when you doubt your past. There are phases when you question your decisions. There are times when you ask yourself:

**Am I a good person?

Am I a bad person?

What exactly do I want from life?

Why are my relationships the way that they are?

And that's an endless loop we get caught in.**

The only solution is not to love yourself in a delusional way, blindly falling in love with yourself without questioning anything you do, becoming this unthinking, inhuman person. But knowing that it is only human to reflect on your past and question it, to think about your future and feel fearful, or to focus on the present and feel deeply, overwhelmingly grateful for the energies around you and within you.

You have been brought here by the universe with such great force, surrounded by such immense happiness. Whatever you are feeling at this moment, you just have to be grateful. Yes, I feel that this is exactly what has worked for me over the years. Whenever I have a bad thought or dwell on the past, I remind myself that I am an evolving human being. I have different versions of myself, and one of the things that helps me cope with these doubts and questions is understanding that the decision I made at that time was the best decision that version of me could have wanted- or even needed, in order to feel protected.

I am constantly evolving, so I don't want to indulge in any kind of doubt or questioning that makes me feel sad about my past self. Because now, I am a new person. I have gained new information. I have become more informed about how things are, how people are, and how life works. That's how I manage these doubts and questions.

I also feel that when your conscience starts asking deep questions- "Am I a good person?", "Am I a bad person?"- it's a sign of being human. These are normal questions because, after all, this is our first time experiencing life. It was never meant to be easy, and it was never meant to be perfect. That's why I believe a great solution is to stop dwelling in the past. You did what you knew best at that time, and that is perfectly okay. That is enough.

You are not a bad person just because you've questioned whether you are. If anything, I believe that bad people do not exist at all- minor issues that could be possible with the ones who never question their actions, who never reflect on whether they were right or wrong. So, as long as you are trying to clear your conscience, as long as you are facing your issues and problems with solutions, good solutions that don't harm anyone else- I feel we all are doing pretty well.

On that note, I also feel that we give ourselves far too little credit for how we navigate life in our own simple ways. Whatever we have learned, whatever we have crashed into, whatever self-awareness we have gained, and whatever we are trying to achieve, we deserve more recognition for all of it. And yet, we are often the first to downplay our own growth, which only makes us more dissatisfied with ourselves. We need to start giving ourselves more credit for evolving, for becoming better every day, every year. That shift in perspective has helped me immensely.

Having said that, I feel like this is the first step to truly understanding the importance of loving yourself. When you are present with this current version of yourself, this is your only reality. And to be very honest, whatever amount of awareness and patience that requires- give it to yourself. You owe this life to yourself.

Whatever you have is the present, and in order to respect your present self, you must give it importance and prioritise it. This is where the journey of self-love truly begins. When you embrace this version of yourself, without judgement, without resistance, you start to understand what it means to love yourself.

And maybe that's just life, that's how it unfolds. When this version of you eventually becomes your past self, you might find it easier to love it then. But the key is to not compare your versions. You don't need to evaluate them against each other. You just have to be there for yourself. Show up for yourself.

That, I believe, is the first step to any kind of love. And maybe, it is the first step to this kind of love as well. :))